Hide Your Seats, Hide Your Lights

“I was just gobsmacked.”

That’s the way Adam McKenzie, a London-based energy trader, regarded the devastation unleashed upon his RS4 after seeing the windows smashed in.

He started the day as most of us do: annoying alarm clock to jolt him out of slumber, maybe a quick work-out to get his energy level up for a day of swapping energy securities, a quick breakfast of fruits balanced by carbs, and then stepping out into the brisk morning air, tucked into a jacket and scarf, perhaps with a warm coffee in hand.

And then, just stopped. Glass on the driveway? Scraped paint off the doors? Did they take the radio? Why take the radio and not the whole car? Who breaks into a car anyway without stealing it? Maybe I left something valuable in plain sight, one of Astor’s necklaces, or my iPad. Getting closer now, and, is that what they took? This doesn’t even make sense!

If you’re a hard-nosed energy trader, literally doling out the fuel necessary to keep the world’s business moving whether in Sri Lanka, Antwerp, Yakutsk or Des Moines, it’s probably natural that you feel you have some control over your life. You probably feel like you understand people, how they think, what they value, and how they will act. So when presented with a rather bizarre theft of a certain aspect of your Audi RS4, you would understandably be a bit baffled.

For as Adam McKenzie peered into the vacant warehouse-like emptiness of his formerly pristine ride, it must have taken him a moment to register that the seats were gone.

Yes, seats.

Some enterprising scoundrel had forced his way in, unbolted the seats and run off into the night, cackling maniacally as he imagined the thousands sure to fall his way. But it wasn’t an isolated event. No, dear reader, it’s actually part of a trend.

According to The Telegraph, “In July 2013, cameraman Chris Smith lost the seats from his RS4 outside his house in Fulham. A week after McKenzie’s car was targeted, equity fund manager David Torbet from Clapham woke up to find the roof ripped open on his RS4 convertible and the seats gone. In November last year management consultant Matt Rhodes from Richmond narrowly avoided the same fate when neighbours disturbed a thief about to do the same thing.”

Apparently Volkswagen Golf owners like to close their minds to reality and imagine that they’re not driving VW Golfs any longer. They buy premium Audi seats online and have them installed so that their envious posteriors can recline in comfort as they visit the dollar theater and get fast food. Because VW, Audi, Bentley and Porsche are all part of the same family, swapping out seats is easy.

The reason the RS4 is being targeted more than, say, a Porsche 911 likely has to do with its gentle alarm system, and the fact that its alarm sensors can easily be ripped out. Owners would do well to upgrade to a more robust system.

Hide Your Seats, Hide Your Lights was last modified: March 15th, 2022 by Audi Raleigh